Sometimes, you reach a point in time where you just feel like you cannot do anything at all. Where you just feel so drained, physically out of it. Where you’ve lost all love and desire for the things you enjoy doing in life. I hate it when this happens. As somebody who is passionate about the things that she does, I don’t like to lose the enjoyment I feel in the things I do.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ll admit that I went through a complete burnout. I was emotional, I was tired, work was taking its toll on me and I just didn’t feel like doing anything. I just felt so low, so unsure of myself. I hated it.
People who look at the work I post online can see how passionate I am about my work. I love to be able to create my little history videos, write my articles, and express myself. So I will be honest and say, that to lose all of my passion for all of this over the last few weeks were terrible.
These last couple of weeks were tough, no doubt about it. I had to go through a lot of things in my job and while it was good things that happened, all of the things I had to do was just really draining on my mind. When I would finish work in the evening, I’d be too tired to even switch on my laptop, let alone write anything.
As some know, my greatest passion is writing. One of my dreams is to become a published author and have a book published. I’m not going to be the sort of person who makes empty promises about her writings (I know that there is a certain someone who has done that but I am not going to name her), I know what I want to do. It’s not like I am empty-handed in terms of my writing. During COVID, I actually to write the full drafts of not one but TWO stories, which was amazing. I would love to be able to have at least one of my drafts edited and properly written out. One of my resolutions for this year is to send a story off to publishers.
Over the last week, I tried and tried to put together a writing schedule. Set myself a little time during the week to just sit down and actually work on my writings. But no matter how hard I tried, I just could not get a schedule together. I found it so frustrating that I couldn’t even put that together, let alone work on my passions. I hated feeling so burned out because it made me doubt myself and my dream of being an author. Looking at all the people getting their work published left me wondering ‘Am I really as good as them?’ I began to wonder if maybe I wasn’t.
Slowly but surely, I began to recover from my burnout, letting myself rest over the weekend and trying to find myself in my writing again. With this post and my freelance position, I’ve managed to regain my love for writing. I still haven’t worked out a schedule but I will get there!
Doubt is always going to be there. I think I’ll always question my skills and whether I’m as good as the writers who came before me. And there will be times where I will feel like my candle is burned out and I can’t do it anymore. But like the Take That song, you can only relight your fire, and find your passions for life once again.